Alone

I’m not really a religious person. I was raised Lutheran but, against my parents best efforts, I have fallen away from the church. I’m not saying I don’t believe in God necessarily. I believe there is some greater force. I just don’t believe in church. I think it’s a good place if you want a community, but it is not a factor of your life that saves you. It does not decide your fate.

I’ve thought about this a lot after the recent death of my Aunt.

She was a devout Catholic in every way. She went to church every week. I’m not kidding. Even when she and her sister would come up from Texas to visit us, they would find the nearest Catholic church and go to mass by themselves. About two years ago she found out she had cancer. She had lived a full life and spent a lot of time doing the things she loved, but she was scared of death and kept praying. About a month ago, she passed away while my parents were on a flight out to see her.

She never really drank in her life. She never took drugs, never sinned if she could help it. Not that these actions constitute a full, satisfying life. I just mean to show that she lived the life of a devout Catholic. But in the end, she died before she was ready.

I don’t think this means that God doesn’t exist. Or that he wasn’t there for her. I believe she was happy most of the time. But I can’t help but wonder if she felt alone in the end. I wonder if she looked around her and up at her God and thought about all the effort she put into being a good Catholic her entire life, and thought she was being left alone. I don’t know.

I like to end blogs on a high note, but sometimes you can’t.